When She Tells You She Is Not Even Hungry.
She tells you she is not even hungry. She’s never hungry. She just wants something ‘light’. She says, “Babe I’m actually not hungry.” Babe, she’s hungry.
She says she’ll have anything. Greens. Veggies. Salad. Something. There is no shame in diving into a pool of indulgence and getting what you really want, you want to say. She insists on eating kale, like a weak-hearted vegetarian who grows faint at the sight of animal flesh.
Eating is hard on the teeth, and there are secret vegans everywhere. Speaking of, she’s insecure about her teeth. Those teeth that were moulded specifically to eat burgers. Those teeth are a flosser’s wet dream—standing straight, close but not touching, like co-workers forced into a company photograph. Social distancing, if you may, but for teeth. They’re also just teeth, too bad they are wasted on salad. Salad!
She asks you what you want to have. I’ll have whatever you have, she says, which is Morse code for please take away this morsel of guilt from me. You like your food solid, thick, and bloody: a beast with a voracious appetite and a body that suggests the opposite. “I like their chicken curry but their burger is to die for,” you cajole. “Light but with a heavy touch, especially if you’re not hungry.” Something that would not only fill her stomach, but her soul.
She pouts, in a mouth position that looks sultry, but not slutty. You stay Taliban.
It’s a complicated business, eating. She is a habitual food thief – she orders one thing, but eats from your plate —stealing the last piece of crispy meat you’ve been saving for last, without an iota of guilt. Or shame. She thinks it’s some playful charm, a forgivable, even lovable quality about her behaviour.
Your advertise your take-charge attitude and ignoring her wants, needs, or deadly tree nut allergy, you go ahead and order her a garden salad (dressing on the side!) and a burger for you.
For yourself, the Big Kahuna, you want to take the ‘Buy 1 Get 1 Free’ Java burger offer. In fact, you want to order two. Feintly, in the background, like a mercifully whisper, you hear: “I’m not really hungry,” as she slides the words in your ear, “but just order two,” she adds.
And the salad?
Actually, today is my cheat day, she says.
And, it’s two for the price of one? It’s quite literally, eating your burger and having it too. Hehe? Besides, I’m not even thaaat hungry.